Last week Aim and I stopped at SuperAmerica to gas up for a road trip, and as I futzed through my wallet to find my credit card, I was happy to stumble upon a gas card given to me as a gift almost a year ago. I couldn’t use the card at the pump though, so I had to prepay inside (this is critical to the story, so keep this in mind).

I grabbed some snackies and pop, then settled in back of the one open checkout line. The cashier managing the line looked like that one lady from The Goonies. As I watched her grumble and belittle customers as they came through the line, I looked frantically for an alternative cashier to help me escape my doom. Unfortunately, Giggly High School Girl was too busy texting and LOLing on her Sidekick, and Bitter College Kid was committed to refilling propane tanks. My fate was sealed.

I put my products down on the counter, gave Goonies Lady a big smile and said “Hi, how are ya?” as she began to ring me up. She grunted in my direction, scanned my goods and gave me the total. What transpired next was uncomfortable:

Me: I’d like to use this gas card for $40 on pump 10.

Goonies Lady (looking at my pop and chips): *Grunt!* That card can only be used for gas.

Me: Right. Well, I want to buy gas with the card, so I think we’re all set.

Goonies Lady: But you are also buying this stuff! *Grunt!*

Me: Ok…so…

Goonies Lady: I’d have to ring this stuff up separate if you use that gas card.

Me: Ok…so…

Goonies Lady: Oh, FINE! *Grunt!* *Grunt!*

She pounded away at the register, swiped my gas card, rang the transaction, charged me for the pop and chips, rang that transaction, then threw my change and receipt at me and grunted again. I tried to remain calm as I left, thinking that I could either:

  • Burn the place down on my way out.
  • Write a heated email to SuperAmerica corporate.
  • Do nothing.

I was already cooling off as I got in the car, so I chose option C and figured I’d probably never see that lady again. And besides, I had a Mountain Dew and Pizza Craver’s Doritos, so life was good, right?

WRONG! I looked down at my gas gauge and it was almost at the E! What the heck…did I prepay for my gas and then not pump it? Yep, that’s exactly what I did!

I whipped a 180 at the nearest exit, and told Aimee that she was going to have to go in there and explain everything to Goonies Lady. She refused, of course, and left me to die via public embarassment.

I sulked into the front doors, ready for my death, when to my surprise…Giggly High School Girl had just opened a register! I ran to her like Forest Gump and whispered what had just happened, hoping Goonies Lady wouldn’t overhear. I almost succeeded, except once Giggly High School Girl realized I was “that guy” who just did a real boneheaded move, she got all excited:

“Oh my gaw, we saw you drive off and were like, oh my gaw, like what is he doing? Haw-haw-haw! But like, I totally saw you drive off and just canceled the prepay credit on your pump so nobody would like, get free gas or something.”

Though I was blushing from the fact that everyone in the store heard about my stupidity, I did want to hug Giggly High School girl and tell her she had a, like, totally bright future in customer service. I ran out of the gas station like my life depended on it, but not before catching a quick disapproving glance from Goonies Lady.

I remembered to actually put the gas in the vehicle this time, and soon we were ready to go. I considered rolling down the window and shouting “Say hi to Sloth for me!” but decided that would be childish. I also toyed with the idea of finding Goonies Lady’s car in the parking lot and shoving one of Cam’s skid-marked diapers in the tailpipe. But again, my high character (i.e. Aimee telling me she’d kill me if I did either one) prevailed.