The Skinny:
Nicolas Cage (and his hair) embark on a journey to find a missing girl on a private island in the midst of a secret neo-pagan community.

The Good:
As much as the acting and storyline was absolute garbage, I was at least 11% invested in it (I only need to be about 10% into a film to finish it all the way through), and was somewhat satisfied with the ending.

The Bad:
Oh my gosh. Let me put it another way: what’s NOT bad? Well, to say the story is dumb and confusing is like saying the ocean is a bit damp. And this is one case where I don’t need (or want) to backup my gripes with specifics.

Because even if the story was semi-coherent, the acting is literally - and I’m pretty sure unintentionally - laughable. There’s one scene in particular where Nick arrives at the mysterious island, and three women try to warn him of problems/danger in a creepy way. But the dialogue is so awkward and bad that I swear the actresses must’ve had to do the scene a dozen times just to keep themselves from laughing. And Nick has a few funny lines of his own that he delivers with the seriousness of an angry bull, particularly when he draws his gun on a woman riding a bicycle and grunts out, “Step away from the bike!” Another great line is, “Owww! My leeeegggs!” which is somehow even more humorous because you don’t see what’s happening to him.

The Ugly:
The movie’s “big scene” features Nick in a bear costume, running around and yelling at people. If that doesn’t stear you clear of seeing The Wicker Man, I don’t know what will.

The Bottom Line:
According to Wikipedia, a wicker man is a wicker effigy that is burned as a human sacrifice by the ancient Gauls. So if you really want to have a wicker man experience, I’ll come over to your house and set it on fire while you perish inside. I guarantee you that will be less painful than watching this film.

Score:

Technorati tags: ,